Hollyleaf's Journey
by Trixygirl
Summary: Sad and broken since the truth is revealed at the gathering, Hollyleaf retreats to the tunnels and is lucky to escape after they collapse. Taking it as a sign she plans to leave the warrior world forever and find and new way of life. Read on to discover the life she leads when not a warrior.
1. Not a warrior anymore

**This is my first Fan-Fic about Hollyleaf which is quite surprising as she is one of my favourite characters. Please tell me if I should continue or not- you can be harsh, I'm quite thick-skulled- so please R&R!**

Hollyleaf kept on running despite her brothers' desperate calls. Her emotions were crackling like fire inside her heart, and her clanmates were the wood feeding it. All Hollyleaf wanted to do was escape, and the tunnels seemed like a perfect place to do just that.

"Hollyleaf!" Lionblaze's yowl signalled he had joined the pursuit after her. "Can't we talk this over?"

"No," she sobbed underneath her breath. Everything had gone wrong. The Warrior Code had been the base of her life, but now, with the truth of her birth following her like a shadow, it meant nothing. _It's all just lies, lies lies!_ If the Warrior Code was so powerful then why did it allow her father to be a Windclan warrior? Why did it allow her mother to be a liar and a medicine cat? How could it have let Squirrelflight break Brambleclaw's heart by just keeping a secret?

Hollyleaf paused at the entrance of the tunnels; _how could it drive me into killing Ashfur? _She shook her head to clear out her thoughts just as Lionblaze and Jayfeather stopped beside her.

"What do you think you're doing?" Jayfeather hissed. Behind his fury, Hollyleaf could see he was scared for his sister. "Do you think you could just _calm _down?"

"No," she choked out. "You don't understand… everything has gone wrong! I thought that with Ashfur out of the way everything would go back to normal."

"You, you killed Ashfur?" Lionblaze stuttered, eyeing her like he was seeing her for the first time.

"I did it because Ashfur was going to ruin everything," she wailed. "I did it for the warrior Code.'

Lionblaze looked a bit confused. "But you told everyone about us at the gathering anyway, why kill Ashfur?"

Hollyleaf could feel Jayfeather probing into her thoughts and felt uneasy.

"I knew that you guys wouldn't understand.' She breathed. "I'm sorry, goodbye." With that she bounded into the tunnels, blind with her confusion and grief. She heard her brother's calling for her but she didn't stop. All Hollyleaf wanted to do was escape.

She was several fox-lengths into the tunnel an ear-splitting crack echoed through the musty underground air. Hollyleaf screeched to a halt, looking around. She heard the patter of her brothers' footsteps coming after her. Her ears pricked. No, it wasn't the sound of her brother's chasing after her. It was a heavier, clumsier sound. She angled her head around and over her shoulder. Hollyleaf's eyes rounded with horror. The roof of the tunnel was caving in; at first it was only small rocks tumbling down but they soon grew into bigger and bigger boulders. She was going to get crushed!

She wailed, turned tail and ran into no particular direction. She nearly knocked herself unconscious when she ran into the corner of the tunnel. She quickly regained her footing and bolted around the corner. The rumble of the rocks falling down filled her ears, she was too scared to worry about where she was going; her strong instinct to survive had kicked in.

_How long do these tunnels go for? _She could barely hear her panicked thoughts through the loud pounding sounds that echoed around the tunnel. Just when she thought that she would run out of steam and get crushed, the booming thunder-like sound ceased into nothing. All was quiet; she cast a panting glance behind her.

There was a huge wall of rock separating her from the other end of the tunnel. It was impenetrable. Hollyleaf shuddered at the thought of being underneath that huge mass of rock. She opened her mouth and took in a deep breath of air, trying to calm her raging lungs; at first her nose wrinkled at the musty, old scent but she soon picked up a second smell. _Water! _

Hollyleaf directed her nose up and sniffed around. _There! _She looked to the right and saw a calm little brook running through a huge little clearing in the cave/tunnel. Her heart stiffened as she remembered how it had flooded and nearly drowned her, Jayfeather and…

_Jayfeather! Lionblaze!_

With her heart in her mouth she raced back to the wall of rock; wishing with Starclan's will that her two brothers' didn't follow her into the tunnels.

"Jayfeather! Lionblaze!" she yowled, scraping her claws against the wall of rock. Only a few pitiful, crumbly pieces of earth came loose. _Please oh please don't let them be dead! _"I'm alive, are you alive?" She tried again; her desperate calls echoed all around the tunnel but didn't seem to make its way through the rock and to the entrance.

Hollyleaf's bottom lips quivered; if they were dead it was _her _fault. She imagined them running after her and getting knocked to the ground and crushed by the huge mass of earth. She shut her eyes in an attempt to block out the thought.

"_What do you think you're doing?" "Just calm down." "Don't go, wait!"_

Her brother's last words echoed in her head. She tried to block them out but it just seemed to aggravate the memories.

_They're dead, and it's your fault. _Guilt pounded through her, she squirmed with the pressure. _You're a murderer; first Ashfur, now your brothers!_

"No!" she argued with her merciless thoughts, "Please, I didn't mean to!" Her words ended in a wail. "I'm sorry Jayfeather. Please forgive me Lionblaze!" She gazed blindly around, her heart aching.

Maybe they aren't dead… she thought, but she found it hard to believe. Her eyes drifted up to the roof; they were searching for Starclan. _Can you hear me, Jayfeather, Lionblaze?_

She closed her eyes; Starclan had ruined her life, she had had too much faith in them. Hollyleaf grimaced when she remembered how she had thought Starclan knew everything and were superior to all of the cats that's heart was still beating. All Starclan could do was walk in other cat's dreams, whereas she could fight, take a life if she really wanted to. Hollyleaf stopped that thought; she had now taken _three _lives. She took a deep breath, Lionblaze and Jayfeather were walking in Starclan now, and she should respect the starry warriors for giving home to her brother's.

She opened her eyes, _look after them. _She sent the prayer to Starclan. Hollyleaf settled down, she would sit vigil for her brother's as one last act referring to clan-life, and then she would go and never return to the lake.

**So how was it? I don't know so I'd really appreciate some feedback, R&R Trixygirl.**


	2. Attack!

"Spiderleg, Thornclaw and Brambleclaw see me in my den." Firestar's voice echoed through the hollow. Hollyleaf twitched her ears. He sounded louder today, almost annoyed. He usually was mindful of the cats in the hollow thatwere still getting some rest.

Rising to her legs, she arched her back and stretched it out, a yawn escaping from her mouth as she did so. Hollyleaf padded out of the den and into the clearing. She was surprised to see that it was full of cats; even Daisy had crept out of the nursery. Unlike most mornings, however, everything was deadly silent. She slowed to a halt, gazing around. Her clanmates had spotted her and now were shuffling into two lines, both facing each-other and leaving a narrow pathway between them. All eyes were on Hollyleaf.

Firestar popped out of his den and leapt up onto Highrock. Brambleclaw, Spiderleg and Thornclaw followed him out but then joined the eerie lines.

Hollyleaf stood up, worried about what exactly was going on. She blinked and when she opened her eyes again she was sitting at the base of Highrock, surrounded by everyone- who had gathered in a circle. Firestar goggled down at her. She looked into his eyes and was surprised to find they were _black. _The usual spark in Firestar's eyes had been extinguished.

_I have to be dreaming. _She thought, feeling both scared and surreal. It had been ages since she had actually been _conscious_ is a dream- the last time she had experienced this was when she was a Medicine Cat apprentice and was receiving a dream from Starclan. Something pricked at the back of her mind; she _couldn't _remember anything that had happened in reality recently.

Three black, dull looking cats walked into the hollow, Hollyleaf didn't recognize them. They were dragging something each. A body. Hollyleaf's sense of calm that had appeared from the thought of '_dreaming'_disappeared. It was replaced with stand-still, shocked horror. The cats placed the bodies in front of Hollyleaf, making a silent accusation with their eyes before disappearing into the crowd of cats standing in the mocking circle.

"Lionblaze… Jayfeather… _Ashfur._" Hollyleaf whispered; her heart had come to a standstill. The blood in her veins had stopped pumping. The past few moons of actuality had just signed back into her conscious memory. Her eyes reflected the bloody body of Ashfur and the bodies of her brothers. Hollyleaf had thought that it would have been bad to see her brother's bodies _crushed. _But this was much worse. Their bodies were in perfect condition, it was their faces. The look of fear and desperation on their heads. Of courage and bravery as they tried to stop their sister from getting crushed and getting killed themselves.

Firestar and all of the cats turned to Hollyleaf and scrutinized her through narrow, black eyes. Hollyleaf tried to find a pair that had some type of emotion in them- anger, disappointment, fear, anything; it didn't matter!- but couldn't. The whole clan said;

"Murderer. Selfish, greedy _murderer_."

Hollyleaf looked around in despair. This wasn't a dream, it was a nightmare!

Squirrelflight and Leafpool issued the loudestofthe jeers; they too had dark hollow eyes. Hollyleaf felt her lips curling up in a snarl. The clan shouldn't be against her, they should drive out those two lying, fox-dung-smelling she-cats. They had ruined her life and everyone else's!

"Cold-blooded murderer." They all said, "Ashfur, Lionblaze, Jayfeather." They listed the names off like they were reading off Hollyleaf's own hit-list.

Hollyleaf saw Toadkit curling up against Daisy, "Mummy, I'm scared." He whimpered. "Will Hollyleaf kill me too?"

Daisy shook her head, "No darling, we will take care of her. She will soon be with Tigerstar." Daisy looked up and gave Hollyleaf a menacing look, "That's where _murderers _belong."

"No!" Hollyleaf wailed; her ears instinctively pinned to her head. "I didn't do any of that. I didn't mean it!"

But the voices persisted and soon turned into one loud, booming scream. Even Squirrelflight's and Leafpool's mews were drowned out. Hollyleaf turned and bolted. She ran out of the clearing and through the forest. Past the lake and over the moorlands. She ran away from the cats that spoke her conscience. In a matter of seconds the moon had rose and the moorlands had become darker. Hollyleaf approached a dark forest and slowed to a trot.

Up ahead there was a silhouette of a cat sitting in the shadows. Hollyleaf padded up to it, a frown pulling at her head.

Her breath caught in her throat when Tigerstar turned around and faced her.

His mew was warm when he spoke to her, "Welcome young one. I will teach you lots about this path you now walk…"

"No, please no." Hollyleaf woke up to find herself whimpering. She was lying next to a wall of compact dirt. She could smell the fresh scent of water but also the musty odour of the underground. Hollyleaf supported herself on her front paws and looked around, confused. She couldn't remember her nightmare's exact happenings but the feeling of dread and guilt seemed to have carried on from the dream.

_I suppose that's because you are guilty. _Hollyleaf thought miserably, slumping back to her lying down position. _You are a murderer. _She let out a heavy sigh and closed her eyes. Memories of last night flooded in, her vigil for her Lionblaze and Jayfeather, her declaration of cease-fire against Starclan.

"I don't look to you anymore, so you don't help me." Hollyleaf had said to Starclan that night, "I am no longer a Clan-Cat; my loyalties have separated from you." It was fine by her if other cat's looked to Starclan for guidance but _she _was better on her own. They were just a bunch of dead 'wise' cat's after-all.

Hollyleaf rose to her paws and trotted up to the river, only pausing to bow her head at the huge mass of dirt where her brothers were crushed. She took a refreshing drink and looked up, water dripping from her chin. Last night she had disconnected herself from all Clan-life, now she was going to live life as a rogue. It was a given that she wouldn't live around the lake; _too many memories_. _Perhaps I'll head over the mountains and to where the Old Forest used to be, _she thought. _And then I'll just play it by ear._

Hollyleaf gazed around the tunnels, struggling with the dim light. Back at Thunderclan it would be light; the dawn patrol would just be coming in. Hollyleaf shook her head, she felt like biting herself. _Stop thinking about Thunderclan!_So instead Hollyleaf focused on her belly, she hadn't eaten since midday yesterday; she'd been too nervous to eat before the gathering. She ought to be hungry but yet the feeling hadn't reared it's fat head yet. She felt a prick of annoyance, her body had been producing enough _grief _emotions or _guilty _emotions but yet no simple feelings- like hunger or boredom. She frowned, what was she supposed to be feeling now? Was she even meant to feel hungry or were clan-rejects meant to be all caught up in their complicated feelings? Was it wrong to _want_ to escape these gloomy emotions?

_No, _she decided. There had to be cats out there that had had experiences similar to her and wanted to escape the feelings. She shook her head, grimacing with frustration. _No, there wasn't! Who had stupid mothers who lied and cheated and violated traditional clan rules? Who just kept on digging and digging until they couldn't pull themselves back out of their big, deep, stupid dark hole? Leafpool and Squirrelflight had made sure they pulled down as many cats with their downfall; Ashfur, Brambleclaw, Lionblaze, Crowfeather, Breezepelt, Nightcloud, Jayfeather. And me. _Hollyleaf started to grind her teeth together; she hated both of those two cheating fur-balls. She took a deep breath, she had run to the tunnels to _forget_, not to remember and send silent obscenities to all of the burr-pelts she had ever known. She should feel grateful; she would never have to see Leafpool or Squirrelflight again.

The scent of fresh air wafted past Hollyleaf's nose. It smelled wonderful compared to the dusty smell that she had spent the last few hours in. She sniffed and followed it a few steps. Hollyleaf looked up. There were three chambers; it was the middle tunnel that the fresh air was coming out of. She assumed that this was the tunnel that led to Windclan territory. She followed it, she had to crawl in some places due to the low ceiling but it wouldn't last long and most of the time she could walk normally.

She could hear the wind howling a mournful tune through the opening in the tunnels. Hollyleaf padded forward, grateful for the fact that the tunnels didn't collapse on Windclan's side. If it had she would have been sealed in and as far as she knew, there was no other way out. Well, apart from the river but Hollyleaf didn't fancy getting her fur wet or popping up in the middle of the lake and risk getting seen. _What would I say about Jayfeather and Lionblaze?_

She felt the ground slope upwards and the air get fresher as she approached the end of the tunnel. When she reached the exit Hollyleaf paused. This was the official end of clan-life for her; she would never return to Thunderclan. She was dead to them, and they were dead to her. She swallowed, blinking as she did so. They were strong words, so she would have to be strong herself. She would not lie, Thunderclan had been her family and she didn't _want_ to forget them. But to continue remembering them would cause too much grief. It would be easier to disconnect herself emotionally from Thunderclan- like she had done with Starclan- than to proceed on thinking about them. Safer. Hollyleaf edged out of the tunnel and into the open on Windclan territory. She was quick to rush into a clump of heather to hide, just so she could secure the area. She lifted her snout and sniffed, apart from the scent of rabbit and stale Windclan scent, there was nothing. She padded out, tail swishing behind her. Her belly enunciated a low grumbly sound. Hollyleaf stopped and had a look at the fur on her stomach. She imagined that her belly had nothing in it and that her energy gauge had flicked onto the reserve tanks.

Hollyleaf scented the air for rabbit again. She felt a flicker of temptation. She was no longer a clan-cat, stealing was her way of life now. Well, at least for the moment, before she had any established territory.

Her belly grumbled once more, it sounded a bit like the angry squall of lightning on a stormy night. She considered tracking down the rabbit; it was only one teeny tiny rabbit. She shook her head, she may not be a clan-cat anymore but she still thought like one. There were times in Thunderclan when a single rabbit would be a _feast_ for the _whole _clan. She would rather get a bit peckish and not have the lives of starving Windclan cats on her conscious than be as full as a pumpkin and leave Windclan to possibly starve. They _were_ approaching Leafbare, after-all.

_A rabbit today, a pheasant tomorrow. _Hollyleaf thought to herself. With any luck, the growing hunger in her stomach would distract her conscience from lecturing her with down-ridden emotions. Hollyleaf crept out of the heather and into the open of Windclan territory. As she walked she used her inner compass to find out where she was.

_If the camp is over there, then the Moonpool is that way… and the mountains._

Her breath caught in her throat. She had been there once before, the Tribe cats would definitely recognize her. What would she say; "I ran away from Thunderclan, can you feed me so I can continue my travels?" Or maybe she should just avoid any questions and the waterfall where the Tribe Cats lived. Hollyleaf could just say she was checking up on them to see how their new ways were treating them. A few moons ago the Tribe of Rushing Water met a major hurdle; other cats who had no recognition to fair play or sharing territories- much like the tribe. They had reluctantly turned to the clan cats for help, who attempted to mould the Tribe of Rushing Water into a clan, as that was the only way for them to keep on living in the mountains. She remembered Jayfeather was all gloomy about whether they would adapt to the new territories that were set.

_Jayfeather. _She hoped he was alright in his place in the stars, along with Lionblaze. He would probably have a high status up there due to the Power of Three Prophecy. She stopped dead as another reason she had ran away reared its intruding head. Hollyleaf and her two brothers were meant to be a part of this prophecy, _three, kin of your kin, will have the power of the stars in their paws. _However, Hollyleaf had shown no signs of being in the prophecy and it soon became obvious that she wasn't…_So who was?Nevertheless, _it was a lost cause now, with both Lionblaze and Jayfeather dead.

It felt weird to think about them like that, like she hardly even knew them. Well, there was a part of them that she- and any other cat- would never understand; their powers. Lionblaze could never get hurt in battle and Jayfeather had the ability to see in his dreams, and see more than the normal cat despite his blindness._Whereas Iwill always be known amongst Starclan as the one who didn't belong,_ Hollyleaf thought bitterly. _The one with no powers. _Hollyleaf shook her head, realizing she had come to a standstill. That didn't matter now; she was headed to the mountains, leaving her history behind.

She kept on walking across the marshy Windclan territory, her ears pricked forward for any sign of danger. She thought she picked up the scent of fox but the obnoxious smell dismissed itself just as quickly as it appeared. Hollyleaf padded on, headed to the Moonpool. It was sunhigh now, so she'd get there just before it disappeared over the bend of the forest. When she arrived, Hollyleaf would hunt, rest and then keep on going. As much as she was tempted to drink from the Moonpool's icy springs, she couldn't. She was a mere rogue who had only heard of Starclan, and was not permitted to go and see them. Besides, what would she do if she saw Lionblaze and Jayfeather?

The sun had slipped only a small way down the sky when Hollyleaf could smell the Windclan scent markers, the ones that signalled the end of all of the clan's territory. Hollyleaf stopped and took in a huge breath of air, letting it fill her scent glands. She couldn't detect any Windclan patrols coming her way so she continued her walk. Her legs ached and she was starting to feel lightheaded from her lack of food. Along the way she had got some strength herbs into her but their effect seemed to have worn off.

Hollyleaf was only a step away from the border when a deep throated growl came from behind. She whipped around just quick enough to see Breezepelt leap out of the gorse bushes and attack.


End file.
